putting things to rest

Let it be said that I tried my best to keep things uncomplicated.

I think it’s time I wrote something about Tuck. Now I’ve known Tuck for a long, long time now. In fact, I can say that Tuck is only one of 2 men who can convince me to hope in love. Why? Because he is the perfect companion – the loving other half of someone I once considered to be one of my closest friends. They used to be my favorite couple – that is, until reality sank in and I was made to see they’re quite human after all.

You see… I fell for Tuck. Love? I don’t think so. Love’s too strong a word. I’ve only every really romantically loved 2 people in my life. But I did have feelings for him, that’s true. Unfortunately, he and my friend were a couple and there’s no way in hell I was ever going to try and break that up. But, like I always tell people, you can’t help how you feel or who you fall for. You can however, choose to not do anything about it. That’s exactly what I did. I could have done something but I didn’t. I could have been the real bitch and try to break them up. My friend was, after all, in the States and graciously lent me Tuck for companionship. She was also majorly cheating on him, which wouldn’t be the first time she’d done it. Did I tell on her? No, although I admit I was tempted to. No one who loves another so much deserves to be cheated on like that. I held my tongue simply because one, it wasn’t my place and two, because I love my friend. So I liked her boy. I didn’t do anything about it.

Now how did things get all fucked up? I made the mistake of trusting in a friendship that wasn’t all that genuine. I needed a sounding board. Let me tell you this now: if you ever feel the need to rant over Yahoo Messenger, DON’T. Cut and paste can be your worst enemy. Even if you “trust” the person you’re chatting with. Believe you me. I trusted my friend and she forwarded everything to Tuck’s girlfriend. So now she hates me. I don’t blame her. In my defense though, I didn’t do a thing. She may never come to believe it, but it was a difficult time for me.

What makes me feel bad, I guess, isn’t so much that she knows. I would have told her eventually – I just wasn’t ready. Some people, I guess, decide to take things into their own hands and make things worse. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, my dear. You could’ve handled this with more panache. So now Tuck knows. How embarrassing! Moreso, I am ashamed to face any of my old barkada. They probably think I’m some bitch-goddess boyfriend-stealer. Correction: I’m only a bitch-goddess. Dammit.